Letters from an Open Heart 10-17-07

We have this way of talking, and we have another.
Apart from what we wish and what we fear may happen,
we are alive with other life, as clear stones
take form in the mountain.

Rumi

Secret Pond by Annie O'Shaughnessy
The place that inspired my essay “Secret Pond”

Long Afternoon at the Edge of Sister Pond

As for life,
I'm humbled,
I'm without words
sufficient to say

how it has been hard as flint,
and soft as a spring pond,
both of these
and over and over,

and long pale afternoons besides,
and so many mysteries
beautiful as eggs in a nest,
still unhatched

though warm and watched over
by something I have never seen –
a tree angel, perhaps,
or a ghost of holiness.

Every day I walk out into the world
to be dazzled, then to be reflective.
It suffices, it is all comfort –
along with human love,

dog love, water love, little-serpent love,
sunburst love, or love for that smallest of birds
flying among the scarlet flowers.
There is hardly time to think about

stopping, and lying down at last
to the long afterlife, to the tenderness
yet to come, when
time will brim over the singular pond, and become forever,

and we will pretend to melt away into the leaves.
As for death,
I can't wait to be the hummingbird,
can you?

Mary Oliver, from Owls and Other Fantasies.

The very things we wish to avoid, neglect, and flee from turn out
to be the “prima materia” from which all real growth comes.
Andrew Harvey

Dear Fellow Travelers,

I've been a real believer in the idea of “faking it till I make it” or acting “as if ” I am the person I am becoming.  This has been a very helpful part of the “Annie improvement plan.” Over the years I've used it successfully in sports, in school, and at work. So at the age of 34 I decided to make it my practice to be a much more selfless, giving person. It seemed to work great. I liked myself more. People liked me more.

A year later, after shoveling snow from the driveway, I asked my partner to recognize how hard I had worked. When he responded not with gratitude but grumpiness for the interruption I felt rage and threw a plate against the wall. Wow! That was a frightening shock. Up until that moment, I had only expressed anger a few times in my life.

Looking honestly at that anger has been one of the hardest and most important things I've done. At the time, and for these eight years since, I could not see the connection between acting “as if” I was selfless and the smashed plate because it did not fit into the image I held for myself. I was an easygoing, loving person not an angry person.

The connection finally became clear to me this fall while I was alone, fasting in the wood: I might evolve to the point of pure selflessness someday, but until then I can't pretend to be anyone but me, feel anything but what I feel. The anger will arise whenever I act or speak in a way that does not match what I know to be true for me.

Last year I said “yes” to someone I was seeing when he asked to live with me, even though I felt a nagging sense that it was too soon after my divorce.  I really craved being alone in my own space. But I said “yes” because  he said he wasn't sure he could continue to be in relationship unless we lived together. He seemed really hurt. Goodness. I didn't want that. I really liked this person in my life.  So I agreed.

It took four months for the anger to start appearing, three months more to recognize why I was angry, and another four months to get the courage to say to him a few simple words: “I need to be alone.”

Honoring and speaking my truth is the richest experience of my life, despite the cost. I trust it completely.

Blessings and love to you,

Annie O'Shaughnessy

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Due to some technical problems most of you did not see the last two emails, which included some beautiful prints. Please visit the Past Issues to see these emails or view the art below:

Wild Soul Journal - A place to share my journey

Dream: I had a strange dream the other night that I want to share with you and hear your take on. Visit here to read more.

Prayer Circle - Sim's Recovery

I am happy to report that a miraculous recovery has resulted in Sim already home from the hospital. Less than two weeks ago this young man was in the ICU. Not only were prayers offered by Soul Flares readers, but also by the members of his synagogue and several national prayer circles. Prayer crosses all borders. Thank you!

If there is someone you would like prayers offered for, please email me at annie@soulflares.org.
Please provide a photograph.

I am always moved by the words of our readers. Please visit here to read responses to this month's topic “Signs of Hope“ and email submissions@soulflares.org to add your own thoughts.

From a reader:

I had an experience this past week that has left me a very different person as well. I spent last weekend at a holistic nursing retreat. It was a wonderful weekend. The weather was beautiful, the retreat site was peaceful and the retreat itself was refreshing. I came home feeling wonderful. It is what happened Sunday afternoon after coming home that left me a changed person. (visit here and scroll down to read more)

Reconnecting with our Wild Souls 2008 Schedule

A huge part of my work at Soul Flares is to encourage people to express their gifts and live their truth. I have found that the most powerful tool for actualization and transformation is to gather with kindred souls for reflection, exploration and connection with nature and each other.

I have five retreats scheduled in 2008, including one just for women.

Visit here to view the whole schedule.

Please contact me if I am coming near you and you would like to have me lead an evening workshop or custom retreat. annie@soulflares.org

Question: Would you like more Women only or Men only workshops offered?
Email me your answer at annie@soulflares.org

Tools for the Journey - Please tell us what gifts you offer.

This Week's featured Work of Love: Nature Connect

Visit the link below to find about this week's featured work of love offered by fellow soul flare Judy Todd.

Women's Epiphany Retreat - On the Oregon Coast- January 4-6, 2008

I am continually building on the Soul Flares website. Please offer your own words to the community through the Readers Write, Community Journal, or Soul Flares Men sections.

Fixing, Helping or Serving by Rachel Naomi Remen: When I was a young teacher I gave this to all the faculty because my view on “helping” was forever changed by reading it. Visit here to read this powerful essay.

Etty Hillesum: Excerpts from An Interrupted Life This is a personal account of one young woman's life during Nazi Germany. What is so powerful about it is how her own journey continues even while the world, as she knew it, falls around her. It is one of my favorite books.

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Soul Flares is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization founded by writer and workshop facilitator Annie O'Shaughnessy, dedicated to providing beauty, inspiration, support, and community for people trying to live a soulful, creative life in harmony with nature and all beings. Through art, workshops, bi-weekly e-newsletter, and an online community, Soul Flares will provide light for seekers on the path.