October - Signs of Hope

As I drove to pick up my kids on Sunday morning I saw a young boy and his mom picking up returnable cans and bottles. I drove by them feeling grateful for their help in keeping the neighborhood cleaned up. And then I put on the brakes. “I should thank them, ” I thought. I turned around and fished around in my purse for some money. As I pulled up to the curb I rolled down the window and offered it to them. The boy took the $15 dollars with a big grin and a “Thank you. ” I  said “No thank  YOU! You are not only making some money by returning the bottles,  you are helping keep our city looking beautiful. ”  His mom chimed in “And.. we are collecting the pull tabs to raise money for cancer research. ” And she added “Yesterday we made $15. ”

“Hooray! ” I said as I  pulled away.

I felt humbled by this exchange. Just that morning I woke up overwhelmed with anxiety about how I was going to pay the bills now that I am on my own. Here was a woman with a lot less than I had, finding ways to be of service and make some money at the same time. I think they were both angels sent to remind me of some important things.

- Annie O'Shaughnessy

I am a midlife career changer who went back to school for 7 years to become a registered nurse. I never wavered in my certainty that this was the path for me. I graduated this last May and was offered a dream job in Oncology at a prestigious comprehensive cancer center/medical school about an hour away. To make a long, complicated story much shorter, the transition into this career has been the most difficult thing I have ever done. So much so that on several occasions I have firmly decided that I had made a BIG mistake in thinking I could start over at this point in my life. As a result, I have been fighting some severe depression over the last several weeks.

Two things have happened that give me a ray of hope. The first was that the other night I admitted to another nurse (someone same age, same path) who asked me how things were going that I all really do is look forward to my days off, and how surely this must be a sign that I am failing miserably. Her answer to me was “It took me a year to get over feeling like that.” She went on to say that she went through the exact same feelings of incompetency and doubt. I left work that evening feeling more hopeful that I had in a long time. (Coincidentally, my horoscope in that day’s paper said “Before you go on, stop and take a moment to give yourself credit for how far you’ve come.” Perhaps not coincidence!)

The second sign of hope is more symbolic. I take my two wonderful large dogs to a park near my house. Yesterday Mother Goddess Nature made me a present of a bird’s nest. It had fallen out of its perch and was hanging on by a small twig. I gently pulled it down and cradled it in my hand all the way home. Today, ANOTHER bird’s nest presented itself to me as I passed a fallen tree that I have passed many times before, but just today noticed that a nest still sat in its branches just inches off the ground. That one accompanied me home as well. Then this evening when I came to the Soul Flares main web page, I was greeted by Kathy Mitchell’s “Nest” print. A bird’s nest is a haven, a safe, cozy bowl to be filled with the wonder of eggs and life. By the same token, making that nest is a long, tedious labor of persistence and determination. As I contemplate these nests placed before me, I think of them as signs of hope that, although my path is a very difficult one right now, if I persevere I can make my job/life a “bowl” filled with wonder, gratitude, love, and life.

Blessings to you, Annie, and all who travel life’s difficult path.

Cathy

Angels Take Over

Unified and primed
To take flight at any cue
The eagles of the heavens
Bringing strength and power closer
Coming to lead fate
To its rightful resolution
Whenever they are needed
The angels will take over

On the street the shattered glass
Reflects the midnight stars
The streetlights cycle innocently
Oblivious to disorder
Dread permeates the air
Like the dark liquid does the street
But watching overhead
The angels know when to take over

Desperate endeavors slowly smothered
By an aura of desolation
The final outcome can't be swayed
A cloud of fear begins to hover
Life slips away as freely
As the sun slips down at night
No one knows how this will end
Time for the angles to take over

Then like the dew at sunrise
A sense of peace engulfs the air
Their presence is sincere
Although impossible to discover
The mysterious tranquillity
Overwhelms the soul
As if sending out a message:
The angels are taking over

As destiny has entailed
A human life has reached its end
Memories will remain
Unique and precious as four-leaf clovers
Heaven's eagles return home
On earth soon healing will prevail
Inner harmony waits quietly
The angels have taken over

Emily McCay

In a daily ritual of writing and expressing myself genuinely and truthfully I sit here and write about my own pleasures in the “Signs Of Hope ” I belong to a 12 step group coming to believe that my treasured sign of HOPE is in MYSELF, and learning to Master the realm of soberness and joy that has finally made its way into my heart.
I've read about the divorces that women on this site have experienced, and I too, have gone through the same Life changing duality. Though I have no children living with me today, this must be one of the most difficult situations to bear.

Yet I find myself being that child I am learnning to raise on my own.

HOPE comes from me letting go of past behaviors and thinking that kept me stuck for so lone…I will be 59 yrs old October 5th, and the HOPE comes that I will move forward another year.

Life has been a struggle. I have had insulin dependent diaabetes for 50 yrs come November. A great sign of HOPE is that I am still alive to tell the story. For the most part I remain Healthy, am able to work full time, and enjoy the escapades of 7 grandchildren. A blessing bestowed uppon me by one daughter.

The biggest Sign of Hope for me was being left by an ex-husband, also an individual with a past alcohol problem, who had no compassion for LIFE for anyone, besides himself.

Signs of HOPE revolve around finding out about yourself...your likes, dislikes and the ability to Change those things you abhore. To have a fantastic ability to dream, and still be rational(at times). To play, love nature and the surroundings that whisper blessings to you when you are least aware.

Learning to stay in the MOMent, has been the most challening for me. Memories come and go, mistakes come and go. But I know I am only human tring to live a spiritual Life each and every day.

This Website has also been a great blessing to me! I love all of you who write and tell their stories. Thank-you Annie for being there and allowing me to read about myself from you and all the others...YOU ARE GREAT!
I also send blessings for Ben's friend and SIGNS of HOPE that all things are possible when we believe and have FAITH!

Again, thanks,
Sharyn

For many years I have studied the profound teachings in THE URANTIA BOOK.

One of the strong points that comes forward to me is the idea that we are evolutionary beings: Humanity is still evolving.

If our planetary adolescence is truly coming to its completion, if a more mature approach is nearing, we need to find a way of knowing that includes more and more open stretches of time.

Our science has delved deep into space, into the past, into possible futures that we may inhabit. But, our time-unit is still so short, our method of vision is caught within the ticking of tiny time. We hardly have the time to think, any more.

Our fumbling attempts at prophecy seem scary and threatening. Humanity seems to be running out of time.
It would appear that we are at the brink, that our immature behavior is the cause of warfare, eco-degradation, species extinction, pollution of air and water. Dire consequences, planetary collapse await us all - to end-up in overpopulated, underserved post-civilization tribal ghettoes, with survival dependent on barbaric skill-sets. 
Somehow we know in inner sensing that we need a new way of seeing. We must grasp a greater stretch of cosmic sequence, a whole eon of human life. We need to see the human race become a partner with our planet. We need to join the life force and put away the dance of death.

When we see that our universe is truly vast, when we know that we are involved in the enormous shifting of the Ages, when we finally go deep to the place of common connection, we make the motion of greater time a part of our lives.

Then we see that fear of the future limits the oncoming vision of a renewing planet. This not the end of the world.
Our participation in the good of our planet, in the change from destructive opportunism to creative synchronicity with evolution, means that we join step with real time. We make connection with cycles greater than our own personal lifetime. We make first hesitant steps in the dance of life, ongoing life into the unforeseen future of cosmic time.

Our humanity will survive this testing time. Our civilization will overcome its adolescence.

Our creative will to become a world of peace, a planet of equanimity within, means that we live for the good of all species and for the beautiful gifts of Gaia herself.

Becoming mature means courage to work, creative will to survive. Maturity with long-vision will lead us to a New Age.
 
 
Stephen Zendt, at home
szendt@earthlink.net

 

This issue of Soul Flares really spoke to me, more so than usual. The words you choose are exactly what I need right now. I had an experience this past week that has left me a very different person as well. I spent last weekend at a holistic nursing retreat. It was a wonderful weekend. The weather was beautiful, the retreat site was peaceful and the retreat itself was refreshing. I came home feeling wonderful. It is what happened Sunday afternoon after coming home that left me a changed person.
 
We live on a beautiful wild piece of land and as I was standing in the yard with my husband we watched as someone came down the trail below our house on a 4-wheeler. No one has permission to use the land, especially with one of those. We are very much “leave only footprints” kind of people. We were not happy!
 
We tried to catch him as he came out to the road, but missed him, so I set off walking in the direction he had come from trying to determine where he had entered our land. My goal was to find his access spot and block it so he couldn’t’ come back. As I got to the far side of the field I could hear an engine and realized he was still on the trail in our field. My assumption was that it was probably someone out deer hunting who didn’t care that they were on someone else’s property…we get many people who come through looking for deer and hunt without permission. I was really ticked!!
 
The field has been restored to natural prairie grass which is over five feet tall in some spots so I had the advantage of knowing where he was without him seeing me. As I came around a curve in the trail I could see him leaning on his machine getting ready to light a cigarette. To make a long story short I bellowed at him and probably scared years off his life. Once I stopped hollering at him about trespassing and smoking in the dry grass I could see he was really upset. Rather than tell me some lie, like other trespassers have over the years, he started to tell me about himself. His name, where he lived, that his father had died when he was young and how he’d gotten himself into “some trouble”. He apologized for not having asked permission and promised he’d talk to my husband before he came back again. He said he was having a really bad day and came here looking for a quiet place. He told me how beautiful this place was to him. He then proceeded to tell me what he was doing to turn his life around. As he talked my anger cooled. By the end of our encounter I was able to listen with my heart instead of my anger and what I heard was that he had needed something far different than I had given him. Not to excuse his trespassing, but the way I had flung my anger at him I realized I had probably done more harm than good. I wish I had confronted him differently. Though he was a stranger in a place he “shouldn’t have been” he was drawn in by the peace and beauty we had worked so hard to create…something he needed in the turmoil of his life. I had obviously shattered the peace!
 
I have had him on my mind all week as I ask myself why I reacted with such anger (he probably got years of anger I had over other poachers and trespassers that I hadn’t been able to catch up with). He needed to be confronted, but I could have done it in a much different way.
 
As we talked, even though I was still angry, I felt that there was a higher power at work there, which again has caused me to dwell on our encounter. As a result I have been asking myself why we were brought together in that field. Why had he been so compelled to tell my his story…I realize it could have been an effort to get himself out of trouble, but I never intended to do anything further than tell him to get off our property. He could have just apologized and left. He had mentioned that he was having trouble with his 4 wheeler, the chain kept coming off, which is why I was able to catch up to him…otherwise he’d have been gone by then. So, I have also come to feel that there must be another reason we met. I have no real answers yet!
 
I decided that I needed to do something positive for him…again, not to excuse his trespassing, but to send him down a more positive path in life. I don’t want to be the cause of any more negativity in his life. He doesn’t live far from me so I found some information to help him down his new path and wrote him a short note. I decided I needed to know if he was telling me the truth so I drove to where he told me he lived to drop off the packet of information. I was able to confirm much of what he had told me in a short conversation with his mother (I didn’t tell his mother where I had met him, not wanting to cause him anymore grief at this point). I can’t help but wonder how many people have assumed the worst of him over the years just like I did…I could see the pain in his eyes as he told me his story. The goal of my work as a nurse over the years has been to leave this world a better place than I found it…I can see that I really need to incorporate that philosophy into more of my actions.
 
The real question I am left with is really: how often do we unintentionally hurt others in our day to day interactions? We have our own agendas that tend to blind us to the needs of others. My hope is that next time I meet him that I can greet him with the love that Carter Hayward talks about. I cringe at Denise Levertov’s words in Beginners and hope that from this day forward I am able to greet the trespassers in my life without preconceived ideas…next time I’ll ask them why they came…give them the benefit of the doubt before I give them my anger!
 
Forever the student of life!
Laurie

 

My Red FlowerHow do Universes speak to us? In words or some other
symbol, that at most times puzzle us? As if we must
learn the code, this being our main purpose as we
waste our time wondering this little life of ours.
Trying , as newborn infants, looking at the gibberish
life serves us, turning it into some way to
communicate back.

So when a picture of a watercolered, red flower,
emerged from a pile of discarded junk my sister-in-law
was purging, I thought how beautiful this picture was.
How perfect to have Her hanging on my wall. And so I
became Her new owner and a wall place arose
immediately, from where She would hang.

Nailed, centered, above my toilet tank, I see Her
every time I urinate. And that in my later life, is
far more often. How perfect God is, combining my
infirmity, this beautiful red flower and my longing.
He seems to be a Man with a sense of humor. Would you
not agree?

And maybe in our open hearts, that do long to
understand the cosmic language we are steered to
confront, some such meaning comes to your avail, as
you picture me smiling at my red flower, hoping my
flow finds it’s target.

Jan Roth