Letters from an Open Heart 8-10-07

But what’s wrong? What is this sadness we cannot name? Here is a question that deserves loving meditation. Perhaps the heart of our melancholy is that we miss the person we were meant to be. We miss our authentic selves. But the good news is that even if you have ignored its overtures for decades, your authentic self has not abandoned you. Instead it has been waiting patiently for you to recognize it and reconnect. Turn away from the world this year and begin to listen. Listen to the whispers of your heart. Look within.

Sarah Ban Breathnach, from Simple Abundance

Dance of Joy by Glenda Moore
Visit here to learn more about Glenda and her art

St. Francis And The Sow

The bud
stands for all things,
even those things that don't flower,
for everything flowers, from within, of self-blessing;
though sometimes it is necessary
to reteach a thing its loveliness,
to put a hand on its brow
of the flower
and retell it in words and in touch
it is lovely
until it flowers again from within, of self-blessing;
as St. Francis
put his hand on the creased forehead
of the sow, and told her in words and in touch
blessings of earth on the sow, and the sow
began remembering all down her thick length,
from the earthen snout all the way
through the fodder and slops to the spiritual curl of
the tail,
from the hard spininess spiked out from the spine
down through the great broken heart
to the blue milken dreaminess spurting and shuddering
from the fourteen teats into the fourteen mouths sucking
and blowing beneath them:
the long, perfect loveliness of sow.

Galway Kinnell, from A New Selected Poems

Dear Fellow Travelers,

At one year old you would find me sitting in the dirt and grass of our yard smiling. As a little girl my joy was found in making mudpies in the corner of mom's rose garden, in the climbable limbs of the huge red maple, and in the wild side of the pond where muskrats scurried and weeds grabbed at my short legs.

At five years old, I went to kindergarten dressed in my farmer overalls. I played with the big cardboard blocks and made a fort. I made a road in the sandbox. But when I moved on towards the play kitchen to make a stew the girls would not let me in. They told me I was not a girl and I belonged with the boys. One girl stuck out her tongue and they all laughed.

In an instant I learned that I was something people called a “tom boy”-- a kind of no man’s land between girl and boy. I had no clue how to be like the other girls, with patent leather shoes and white pressed shirts, so I rejected the whole idea of "girl." I played with the boys and felt free.

As I grew older, I identified with the masculine world and rejected the feminine; I had many male friends and my vitality and energy attracted men to me. In turn, I loved how their energy met mine--boundless, brave, direct, vital. But when I became someone's "girlfriend" I felt an intense fear of not being “woman” enough. I felt like a poser about to be exposed. I made up for that by working really hard to be whatever they wanted me to be, to be funny, agreeable, playful and the world’s best lover. I was rewarded with their smiles and the feeling of being wanted and loved.

But the end of my second marriage shook me. Being the selfless lover, working hard to be the woman I thought my man wanted was not enough. I did not inhabit myself as a woman; I played a role.

Yesterday I cried with frustration as I told this story to my healer and said, “I don’t know how to be a woman and I am tired of trying. In every other part of my life I feel 'real', but not with my partner. I think I was just born with a lot of masculine.” He smiled and said, “But who you were as a child--your soul child, the one who loved the dirt and trees--was deeply feminine. Being that connected to nature is feminine. But she was rejected, by you and the world, and so you hid her away. To feel the feminine just reconnect with that soul child.”

Ah. There she is--waiting for me still as the wind comes in the window and caresses the skin on my arms. As the maple leaves dance right outside. I'm in love with that kind of beauty. Now I feel the woman I am drink it.

With Gratitude and Love,

Annie O'Shaughnessy

Inspiration: A song by Ani DiFranco spoke to me today. To read the entire song and respond visit my Wild Soul Journal here

Readers Write NEW Topic for August: In order to be of benefit to each other and this planet, I believe we first need to peel away the layers that hide our light. August's topic for Reader's Write is "What hides my light? Our fears and false beliefs." Visit here to learn more and contribute your own thoughts.

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Part of my work at Soul Flares is to find and share with you the most authentic voices of inspiration in our culture. People ask me how I have the courage to do Soul Flares on my own without any promise that it will support me financially. I tell them that I read and re-read the word of the countless others who have come before me and faced much higher mountains.

I have only just begun to create a library of inspiration. Here are just a few for you to choose from today. Take a break and be inspired.

Marianne Williamson: Marianne's words accompanied me on a 5 day solo trip in the woods. She writes, "Love taken seriously is a radical outlook, a major departure from the psychological orientations that rule the world. "

Anne Hillman: Anne simply speaks of her journey with amazing honesty and insight. "The spiritual journey is a creative journey. It’s about birth. It calls us past the boundaries of convention."

John O'Donohue: John's words pierced through my grief following the end of my marriage. "Once the soul awakens, the search begins and you can never go back. From then on, you are inflamed with a special longing that will never again let you linger in the lowlands of complacency and partial fulfillment."

Julie Cameron: Julie has probably done more than anyone I know to bring fire to the kindling of our creativity. "If you are panicked, tell yourself, “Ah! Good sign: I am getting unstuck.”

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Soul Flares is a nonprofit 501(c)(3) organization founded by writer and workshop facilitator Annie O'Shaughnessy, dedicated to providing beauty, inspiration, support, and community for people trying to live a soulful, creative life in harmony with nature and all beings. Through art, workshops, bi-weekly e-newsletter, and an online community, Soul Flares will provide light for seekers on the path.