August - Naming the fears and false beliefs that dim our light.

When I gather with people at the Soul Flares workshops one of the first things I say is, "There is nothing you need to do here. We are simply going to relax and allow who we are to shine through." And within the first 24 hours you can see everyone dropping their fears and defenses until the room is bright with their beauty -- their true nature. It is more beautiful than the most maginificent sunset.

It helps to name the veils that dim our light. I only recently discovered that I have patterns of codependency in my life, which means loosely that other people's needs are more important than my own and that I create a safe environment by controlling people through my giving. (i.e. how can you criticize someone like me who is so giving!) I recognize now that what I thought was selfless giving was a form of manipulation that kept everything nice. My light is dimmed when I don't speak my truth. Sometimes, my truth doesn't make people happy. So be it. In my authenticity I can be of greater benefit to others and to myself. I see this in action at my workshops where I can be completely authentic.

What fears, or modus operandi, or false beliefs dim your light?

Please respond by sending your words and a photo (if you have one) to annie@soulflares.org with "Readers Write" in the subject line.

I am stopped in my tracks when I feel what I need will not help those that depend on me.
Also the need for money.
Not money to play but money needed to just get by day to day.
I am blessed with a grant to go back to school and do a work study,
and I will be 55 in December.

My husband is disabled and all falls on me.
I love school.
However taking 12 credits as well as working will be difficult at best.
I also could go back to helping those with addiction.
That is what my heart tells me,
but in the long run I won't have benefits such as health and retirement.
I have neither now.

I would love to be able to work in the area of spirituality and health.
I also get a great amount of joy from animals, artwork and writing creatively

I love helping others.

So, fear of letting others and myself down stops me from living in spirit.

Thank-you, Denise Rogers

I remember a time when I was around 11 years old and my stepfather was talking to the frozen food delivery man (we had a restaurant). The topic was about white girls taking black men as husbands, their words coming through strong and mean, and to my young ears, these words struck an intuitive chord of injustice. I braved the two men at their table, stuck my little chin out and said, "Well, if I loved a black man, I would marry him!" My stepfather's face grew large and his nose turned ruddy red as he replied in his stern, authoritative voice, "You wouldn't be coming back into MY house with him, you wouldn't!" , along with some expletives to end my part in the discussion. My eyes could hardly see for the tears that welled up as I yelled back "Oh, Yes I would!" and ran out the door to my sanctuary of Nature.

Thus started the fight within my young soul against mens' authority over my life. And as I got older the fight caused Fear.... Fear of not being loved if I didn't do what those authoritative men wanted me to do, Fear of unworthiness if I didn't act just the right way they wanted me to act, and Fear of not being accepted if I didn't say just the right words these men of Authority wanted to hear me say. Those bright positives of Self-worth, Self-Love, and Self-respect flew out the windows as the years rolled by.

Today I still fight the Fear, although it has diminished somewhat thanks to the teaching hands of time spent in healing workshops, walking through wondrous Nature, listening to the wise words of the wind and the sea, pursuing interests that make me happy with Self... but deeply rooted in the soil of my soul lay the lies of those authority Voices, and I constantly have to beg, borrow, and search out new Voices that give me the courage, strength, and knowingness to forge forward, hacking through the hedge of old patterns and bringing the light of new tomorrows into view....and I thank Soul Flares for being such a Voice in the wilderness, helping to soothe my Fears and fight the good fight!

Blessings, Annie, and keep on being our Joan of Arc for Self-Love and Sharing!

Jane Elizabeth Mau

Naming the fears and false beliefs that dim our light . . . One would think that at the age of 68, one would not need to battle fears and find the truths opposing one's false beliefs, but the older I get, the more I am sure that one's life journey lessons continue forever. Having just "won" a major battle in the fight to find my authentic self, I can truly say that, for the first time in my life, I feel whole. I have recently learned that I do not need to be attached to someone else in order to feel that way. It took a major relationship shake-up, a great deal of reading, a great deal of introspection, and a willingness to try new behaviors to find that wholeness.

Some days after coming to that journey point, I began to feel very down and empty. Previously, thoughts of another filled that space with hopes, somedays, maybes, and we'll sees. For the first time in my life, I was able to go into that feeling and realize that was how emptiness felt and that it was ok to feel that way. I had never felt that before! That blessed emptiness was a part of me and a part of feeling whole without anyone else filling me up. Finally, I realized that it was ok to be unattached and to relish in my own life with its many blessings of family, friends, interests, beauty, creativity, energy, and love.

Ann, I can relate strongly to your attitude of giving. I always said I could love without expectations, but that was false. I did whatever I needed to do just to keep the relationship going. The relationship was the most important thing. I learned that as a child, as a young woman, as a wife, and as a widow with a very special friend. Now I know that the relationship I need to focus on is the healthy one with me. There is not another human being who is more important to me than me. Wow! That is a good thing to say. With that strength, I can do whatever the Universe sets before me. And, I don't need to know in advance what that will be. Things don't have to be figured out. Today is enough and, for today, I am just going with the flow!

Thank you for addressing this topic for August which happens to be the month of my birth, and now it is also the time of my rebirth!

Love and peace, Darlene