Letters from an Open Heart 12-29-06

Nest
by Kathy Mitchell

When we touch the center of our sorrow, when we sit with discomfort without trying to fix it, when we stay present to the pain of disapproval or betrayal and let it soften us, these are the times we connect with bodhichitta.

Tapping into that shaky and tender place has a transformative effect. Being in this place may feel uncertain and edgy, but its also a big relief. Just to stay there, even for a moment, feels like a genuine act of kindness to ourselves. Being compassionate enough to accommodate our own fears takes courage, of course, and it definitely feels counterintuitive. But it’s what we need to do.

... Sometimes the completely open heart and mind of bodhichitta is called the soft spot, a place as vulnerable and tender as an open wound. It is equated, in part, with our ability to love.

Pema Chodron, from The Places that Scare You, A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times.

Dear Kind Readers,

I have tried to write this letter many times. It is easy to write about my joy, my happiness – the inspiration found in the long-awaited snow flakes falling outside, the power of Love, the beauty of the deer I saw last night galloping alongside the road. It is very difficult however, to write the whole truth of my experience, but that is what I have committed to in these letters. It is why I started Soul Flares -- to give light to the fullness of life -- light and dark. I believe that opening our hearts and revealing our truth is the alchemy that transforms suffering into gifts of healing. It is what removes the walls between us. Compassion grows. Minds shift.

Over the last nine months I have lost my marriage, the company of Nemo the good dog, my dream cabin in the woods and my role at Heron Dance. I’ve long been familiar with the tender, scary and vulnerable feeling of the open heart. But I did not know the “uncertain and edgy” land of real sorrow. I did not know that otherwise stable, happy, strong people can feel like the world is tilting and they are barely hanging on by their fingernails.

And so I am often disoriented walking around in this new Annie-self. I am no longer who I thought I was. It is wild and beautiful, humbling and tender. And...I am well. Life has been magical, offering me such a mix of love and beauty. I feel that I have new eyes.

One moment I feel an ache in my heart that I think is from its breaking, the next I know for sure it is aching from its fullness. I look at everyone differently now. I feel that I can sense the loss in the people that I bump into, or pass by. I want to hold them in my arms and say "All will be well."

A few months ago I was driving in the car with my 12-year old daughter when the familiar grip of grief tightened around my throat. Despite my instinctual efforts to suppress my tears they slipped hot and quick down my cheeks. “What’s wrong Mom?” she asked. “Nothing’s wrong Emma, I am just letting sadness move through me. Sometimes it feels like I am losing “it” and that I will never stop crying. It’s kind of scary. But I know that these tears are increasing my capacity to love. The grief will pass and my heart will be bigger for it.”

And then I laughed, “ I can already feel it growing!”

She just gave me one of her prize-winning smiles.

Blessings and love to you,

Annie

Artists and Art

I am committed to revealing Beauty -- the Beauty inside all of us and the beauty we create.

So, now with Soul Flares I want to give artists some support by offering their work here. This section of Soul Flares is for artists who do not yet have the financial resources to commit to their art full-time.

Visit here to see Kathy Mitchell’s page and to purchase her art.

If you have a recommendation for an artist please email me at annie@soulflares.org.

Featured Interview:

One of the most important conversations I have ever had was with Meredith Little, co-founder of School of Lost Borders, who lost her husband after 15 years of illness. Her perspective on loss and grief is inspiring and heartening. Visit here to read our conversation.

Finding a Witness:

The world is not always ready to witness our experience without judging it. We all need a place and a time to let it all down. It may be with a therapist or in a spiritual circle, family, or friends. There is no fixing going on, just compassion!

Soul Flares Workshops: I encourage you to come to a Soul Flares workshop.The next one is in Maryland this March. It is a really beautiful experience to be with a group of kindred souls for a weekend. These are deeply healing and inspiring weekends. Visit here to learn more.

Institute for Circle Work: I highly recommend Jalaja Bonheim’s workshops. I went to one last month and found her to ability to hold a safe space for everyone to be remarkable.

Inspiration for You: 

Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ essay Letters to a Young Activist During Troubled Times, was the inspiration for the name Soul Flares. In it she writes:

One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Soul on deck shines like gold in dark times. The light of the soul throws sparks, can send up flares, builds signal fires, causes proper matters to catch fire.

Visit here to read the entire essay.